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Church Humor
Bulletin Bloopers
- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around. Bring your husbands.
- For those of you who have children and don't know it, there is a nursery downstairs.
- Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the building. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
- Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
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Forgive Your Enemies
- Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads
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Membership Has Previleges
- Free coffee - everlasting life, Yes membership has its privileges!
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JESUS & THE MUD PUDDLE
(You gotta believe a 6 year old)
Howard County Sheriff Jerry Marr got a disturbing call one Saturday afternoon a few months ago. His 6-year-old grandson Mikey had been hit by a car while fishing in Greentown with his dad.
The father and son were near a bridge by the Kokomo Reservoir when a woman lost control of her car, slid off the bridge and hit Mikey at a rate of about 50 mph.
Sheriff Marr had seen the results of accidents like this and feared the worst. When he got to Saint Joseph Hospital, he rushed through the emergency room to find Mikey conscious and in fairly good spirits.
"Mikey, what happened?" Sheriff Marr asked. Mikey replied, "Well, Papaw, I was fishin' with Dad, and some lady runned me over, I flew into a mud puddle, and broke my fishin' pole and I didn't get to catch no fish!"
As it turned out, the impact propelled Mikey about 500 feet, over a few trees and an embankment and in the middle of a mud puddle. His only injuries were to his right femur bone which had broken in two places. Mikey had surgery to place pins in his leg. Otherwise the boy is fine. Since all the boy could talk about was that his fishing pole was broken, the Sheriff went out to Wal-mart and bought him a new one while he was in surgery so he could have it when he came out.
The next day the Sheriff sat with Mikey to keep him company in the hospital. Mikey was enjoying his new fishing pole and talked about when he could go fishing again as he cast into the trash can.
When they were alone, Mikey, just as matter-of-factly, said, "Papaw, did you know Jesus is real?
Well," the Sheriff replied, a little startled. "Yes, Jesus is real to all who believe in him and love him in their hearts."
"No," said Mikey. "I mean Jesus is REALLY real."
"What do you mean?" asked the Sheriff.
"I know he's real 'cause I saw him." said Mikey, still casting into the trash can.
"You did?" said the Sheriff.
"Yep," said Mikey. "When that lady runned me over and broke my fishing pole, Jesus caught me in his arms and laid me down in the mud puddle."
GIVES YOU GLORY BUMPS DOESN'T IT!
GOD WILL DO THE REST
I asked the Lord to bless you
As I prayed for you today
To guide you and protect you
As you go along your way
His love is always with you
His promises are true
And when we give Him all our cares
You know
He will see us through
So when the road you're traveling on
Seems difficult at best
Just remember I'm here praying
And GOD WILL DO THE REST.
FAITH IS NOT BELIEVING THAT GOD CAN....
IT IS KNOWING THAT HE WILL
"BE KINDER THAN NECESSARY. EVERYONE IS FIGHTING SOME KIND OF BATTLE." ---UNKNOWN
If God didn't have a purposes for us. We wouldn't be here!
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Do Not Ask......
"Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet.
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The Woodpecker Might have to go!
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark
One : Don't miss the boat.
Two : Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three : Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four : Stay fit When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.
Five : Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six : Buil d your future on high ground.
Seven : For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
Eight : Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine : When you're stressed, float a while.
Ten : Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.
Eleven : No matter the storm, when you are with God, there's always a rainbow waiting...Pass this along and make someone else smile, too.
Smile, God loves you
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Which Service?
One Sunday morning, the preacher noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names with small American flags mounted on either side of it. The seven year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the preacher walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly,"Good morning Alex."
"Good morning Preacher," he replied, still focused on the plaque.
"Preacher, what is this?" he asked.
The preacher said, "Well, son, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."
Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex's voice, barely audible and trembling with fear, asked, "Which service, the 8:45 or the 11:00?
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